Last Summer and Autumn, a bunch of one-year anniversaries happened. My niece turned one year old. I hit the one year mark for having quit smoking. I hit the one year mark for having quit drinking both alcohol and coffee. And I completed a year since a major… event.
And when I hit that one year mark for that event, I realized it was also a two year mark and a three year mark and a four year mark. It was also a one-and-a-half year mark. And a two-and-a half year mark. I seemed to have identified a six-month cycle in my life. I’ll explain. The trend isn’t perfect, of course, but it clearly exists. Every six months, something… significant happens.
Let’s start with September, 2015 and work our way back.
September, 2015, involved what was easily one of the most life-changing events of my life. I won’t tell the whole story, but on the night of the 17th, as Saturn ingressed into Sagittarius, I had a major psychological meltdown, or, perhaps, “depressive episode,” which ultimately placed me in the hospital for a week. I came out on meds, which, for the first time in my life, actually seemed to “work.” With one exception I still happen to be taking them.
Six months prior to that, on March 15th, I had had a smaller “depressive episode” which in hindsight was very much like a foreshadowing of the event I just mentioned.
Six months before that, in September of 2014, I helped to open a restaurant which closed down after three weeks. A week after that, I was hired at the place where I still work. For a number of reasons that aren’t easy to explain so simply, this was a highly transformative time. The best way that I can explain this period is that it was like a time in my life, a period of a few weeks culminating on the 13th of the month, in which I lived the life of someone else entirely, like I’d briefly stepped into a parallel dimension, then stepped back into a more familiar one. It was a time removed from the normal flow of history. I still think back to it as providing a template of sorts for certain parts of my life, for certain ways of being.
In March of 2014, on the 16th, on my birthday, in fact, having bought a plane ticket to fly out to Ohio to see my old friends, I started off on a three-and-a-half hour drive to the nearest city with a major airport. My car, however, was in very poor shape; it would frequently overheat. As I prepared to leave, a horrific scene from a book I once read came to mind. The scene involved the characters of the story using their magic to force their horses to run as quickly as they could, without regard for how tired they became. The horses kept running and running until eventually they literally wore themselves out and physically couldn’t be made to move any more. That’s exactly what happened with my car. I knew it would happen. I accepted it as the necessary sacrifice for my trip to Ohio, though of course I had hoped it wouldn’t actually happen. When my car ultimately gave up just outside of the city, I gathered my bags and started walking down the road and before long some guy, under the guise of a good Christian, gave me a ride into town and helped me find a cab to the airport. I gave him my key to the car, which he said he’d drive to his house and would return to me when I came back and gave him a call. I didn’t actually expect that to happen. I imagine that car was dismantled for parts and the guy made some money off of it. I knew all of this right away and understood it as the sacrifice necessary for the trip. I never was able to get a hold of him afterward. The trip on the whole was undoubtedly a major turning point in my life, and not only because of the loss of my car. In many ways I don’t care to explain, the entire trip was a major milestone in my life to which few other events can compare.
Six months before that: September 24, 2013. I lay awake all night convinced that aliens or something of the sort were controlling my mind through my phone. I then convinced myself that I needed to drive to Des Moines for the solution. Everything about the trip was completely insane, even somewhat uncharacteristically so. I won’t go into details, but the event stands as the emergence of something I have yet to fully come to terms with.
March 04, 2013. I was emerging from a roughly three month period of far greater “insanity” than the event of the following September just mentioned. I moved in with someone and lost, perhaps “sacrificed,” half of my belongings, some of them among my most precious. Quite a lot happened here, none of which is easy to explain. This may be the most significant period of change in this personal history.
September 16, 2012. Before the major meltdown of December, mentioned two posts ago, when things were looking unusually good for me, I took a trip to Kansas City to see someone I’d met online, and had met just once — six months prior. When I arrived, this person conveniently “forgot” that I was coming to visit, despite having talked about it the day before and for some time before that. It was crushing, to say the least. About this time, I had been working my way through sorting out various ideas. I was a year past a few small steps away from the militant Atheism I’d been committed to between 2010 and 2011. Much of the philosophical framework I’d been working with had crumbled and I was left with a major epistemological crisis just waiting to break. And that crushing blow broke me. It’s not easy to explain what happened exactly, but at this time I chose to take a leap of faith of sorts, whose content was inspired in part by these videos, but also by a long lost relationship and my long-departed aunt, among other things. Events tend to be the result of a combination of factors, not just one. This event is one that can compare or even surpass the trip to Ohio in personal significance in a similar way.
March 15, 2012, I took my first trip to Kansas City to meet that particular person I’d met online about a year before. Not only that, I did it as a leap of faith the day after my brother helped me buy a used car. So, much like what happened two years later, but kind of in reverse, I drove a vehicle a very long distance under the very real possibility that it wouldn’t make it either there or back. My new used vehicle did prove itself reliable; I didn’t have the faintest hint of a problem with it though no one would have guessed by looking at it, I’m sure. Once there, my friend and I had a lovely day together, which I will not attempt to describe. It does stand in my memory as one of the most important and one of the best days of my life.
September, 2011. I don’t have an exact date, but there is a culmination around the 20th, I believe. This is really more of a time period than a single event. I had moved into a new place on my own and had begun a blog, which I used to articulate my beliefs at the time. More was going on at this time than just that, but what is interesting is that I kind of snapped in a way, which we can see is becoming a theme. It was an intense episode, though of a completely different character than the other times I “snapped”.
March, 2011. Everything in my life officially fell apart. This is when my mother drove to Ohio to bring me back to Iowa to stay with her until I could get back on my feet. I had since January 3rd lost a relationship, my job, my home, and on the 18th of March also failed to sign up for classes on time, which was something like the last straw, though how I wasn’t signed up nearly a month in advance as usual I still don’t know. And even my relationships with two of my best friends, whom I had been staying with, seemed to be rapidly crumbling. I had nothing. It was in every way as though the very city were forcibly ejecting me. And thus I left, torn, dejected, defeated.
I really can’t identify this trend much further back, mostly due to problems of memory, except for a major break in lifestyle and philosophy that occurred mid-September, 2009, and a bit of a violent end to a relationship and restarting my life on March 16, 2007.
What is most interesting about all of this, though, is that these times mark my birthdays and my half-birthdays. That is, the last portion of the Sun’s transit through Pisces and the last portion of his transit through Virgo, conjunct or opposite to my own natal Sun, Mercury cazimi. A conjunction or opposition to my Sun, of course, is also a square to my natal Mars and to my natal Uranus.
Before I go any further, I want to fill this out by going over other major life events that don’t fall into this pattern, to be sure we’re aren’t only counting the hits and not the misses.
June, 2008: ComFest, 2008 – major lifestyle change.
January, 2009: Met partner of two years.
August, 2009: Started school and moved in with partner.
January, 2011: End of two year relationship, start of events leading to leaving Ohio.
November, 2011: Met who would be my best friend immediately after.. an episode.
December, 2012: The world began to burn.
May, 2013: Met love of my life.
July, 2014: Moved to Missouri with love of my life.
November, 2015: NaNoWriMo
I would always say that the time around my birthday was usually difficult for me, but until going through it like this I didn’t understand how true that statement was.
What I notice is that every September or March brings with it either a “meltdown” or the opposite: a boost. There was nothing about March 2012 that constituted a crisis. It did, however, bring a bit of excess. The same is true for September of 2014, which involved the overshooting of a goal before turning back to it.
Of all of these dates, three involve a major, almost abrupt change in philosophical system: June, 2008, labelled ComFest, September, 2012, and December, 2012, which I’ve described as the burning of the world.
I’ll get back to this topic later. For now I want the trend to be clear. The timing also happens to coincide with this writing — tomorrow is my birthday. It just so happened also that my car’s battery died over the night — and its key won’t fit to unlock it in absence of the button, the Universe’s way of reminding me of the circumstances that led to the shift of four years ago; this very thing (plus one other contributing factor) is the reason I lost that truck.
This is clearly an astrological trend, thus a trend of meaning, like a story told in parts, as key phrases spoken by one side of the thirty-one year conversation that is my life. How had this manifested this past September and how will it manifest in this upcoming week?